Don't Marry Rich. Be Rich.
By Alicia Dunams
Author of Goal Digger

POST A- Love Battles | How to Focus on What You Deserve vs. What You Feel

Posted: March 1st, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Goal Digger | 1,753 Comments »

I’m on a quest to inspire women — in life, love and work. But today I’ll focus on love; there will be plenty of time to talk about life and our careers I promise. I found my first challenge earlier last year when I just couldn’t move past my fears and the only way I could express myself was in anger because I felt like my world had ended. The truth of the matter is, when I started my blog, I was an angry black woman who just discovered that my college sweetheart, and husband, father to my beautiful daughter was having an affair. I am even ashamed to admit that as a feminist who just caught the man she loves lying, cheating and orchestrating sexcapades, I was ready to take him back. The term is called putting up with patriarchal oppression and it’s something I will advise other women to stay away from. Yes, you will have heartbreaks but trust me, you will live. I did. I was pregnant, I had a daughter and my husband still kept on with the ungodly act. I moved on. People move on. But how?…..
As a recent college graduate (about 3 years now), a chemical engineer with a very impressive resume ,and a non-profit founder, you could tell that I am a very practical person. I have always wanted a whole family because I never had one and I had promised my daughter that I would do whatever it takes to ensure she does not end up in a broken home (the only promise, I have broken to date)…..so I cried, fought hard for the man I once loved, but none of that could bring him back because the truth is, I never did lose anything valuable. When someone chooses to walk away from your life, let them. The problem most young ladies run into is ‘false attachment’ and because somehow a man says he loves you and you feel desirable, you tell yourself it will be hard to lose that love. You wonder if you can ever find someone like him, you wonder if your life can be any more meaningful than being someone’s girlfriend, mistress or wife. You begin to slowly sink into the self-deluded hole of undeserving and unworthiness. I was there. The truth is that, I felt rejected. I knew this other woman wasn’t better than I was, even the husband admitted that, but I still felt like something was wrong with me. That I had done something wrong to drive him to another woman but the reality is that, I didn’t, he did. He chose to live a lie, he chose to be unfaithful, he chose to disrespect his wife and daughter and I shouldn’t be sorry for that. I shouldn’t wallow in self-pity or cry myself to pieces for such human indecency. So after this aha moment, I got out of my rut, got my mojo back and got moving again to the rhythms of life, because that is who I really am, a fighter. And if you have ever been in my position, know that you MUST NOT focus on how you feel, you MUST only think about what you deserve. And what you deserve is a life of ecstatic self-expression, laser-focused love, and mind-blowing, high-voltage moments of joy.
You Have to Roll in the Misery - Yes, cry over that break up, no matter how short it was or how long. Your tears are not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of vulnerability and vulnerability is not a bad thing, it is actually an act of courage. It’s the courage to dare greatly, to let go and receive.
Admit your own Mistakes and Grow from it - When relationships go wrong, it’s easy to blame the other person, but what about the little things you did yourself that caused your partner to act differently? And you may also respond with, what are the things he/she did that caused you to act differently? But let him/her figure that out on their own. Paddle your own canoe. Go on a self-discovery journey (and enjoy your own solitude for a while). Do not attempt to jump into another relationship okay? Just putting that out there, it never helps.
Be Prepared for and Embrace the Change - It will come. A sugar-free rush of change, so sweet, thrilling and powerful. You will embrace a new life of awesomery. You will make new friends, find a new passion, start a new routine. You will do something else other than wallow in your misery. Embrace this change so fiercely, because this is exactly when you start to discover how much steel you are made of. What I did personally was start running, I ran so fast, my legs would give out on me and I would cry occasionally as I took a hot bath till I was pruney, but at these moments, I was slowly embracing change. When I finished embracing change, I started running, not from my fears but because I enjoyed it. Illuminated emancipation, freedom, unalloyed and untainted bliss await you, but you have to choose to embark on the Inward Journey to discover it.
Do not move the way fear makes you move - move the way love makes you move. And I am not talking ‘baby-making’ love, I am talking self-love. Love yourself. Do something for yourself everyday that makes you feel good. As women, we tend to think that a man showering us with flattery words and material things equates love. Your life is truly your love. Love is what we have when we are truly alive. Immerse yourself in experiences that bring you to live. For me, it was yoga. I then stumbled on this Yoga Sutra by Pantajali, “When you succeed in going within and realizing the peace and joy of your own Self. The moment you understand yourself as the true Self, you find such peace and bliss that the impressions of the petty enjoyments you experienced before become as ordinary specks of light in front of the brilliant sun. You lose all interest in them permanently. That is the highest non-attachment.” Your life, who you are, how you feel should not be attached to anyone person. If someone wants to love you, hope for heaven’s sake that they have discovered themselves too.
Don’t give up on love - We all crave to be loved, and every of our actions is towards attaining it. I will not give up on love but I am changing my approach on love. Don’t allow love to paralyze who you are, let it empower you to live your best life possible. And this time, I know exactly what I deserve. I am not riding high on youthful exuberance anymore. I have a job, I have a career I love, I have a daughter that I completely adore and I have a blogging community that allows me to share my thoughts freely. I am living a remarkable life already and if I ever run into that man who wants to come on board and join my exciting life, then he will have to earn it, because that is what I deserve.
BY: THINK FEMINIST Blessing describes herself as a Feminist Ninja. Tech geek. Connoisseur of Design, Travel, Fashion & Food. StartUp Enthusiast. A Chemical Engineer graduate from the University of Florida. She currently works as a Project Manager at a Fortune 500 Company and concurrently pursuing her Energy MBA at the New York Institute of Technology. You can follow her on twitter, facebook and of course hop on her blog at ThinkFeminist where she encourages women to boldly follow their passion.

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Girlfriend Chronicles | Help! My Friend’s a Serial Dater!

Posted: February 21st, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | 1,598 Comments »


We all have that one friend. She’s fun, single, outgoing, looking to meet the one, and well, she’s a Serial Dater. She loves the attention she receives from men, is always the life of the party, and always has new numbers in her glittery phone. But what do you do when you’re more of the consistent one- usually in a long-term relationship or happily and contently single? Well, I’ve been that content friend, never really looking for love and I’ve found that four things have always remained golden to keep my friendship with a Serial Dater healthy. For one, if I’m in a relationship, I don’t really bring my friend around my man’s friends. If I know she’s not consistent or that she’s emotionally unsettled, I don’t risk the chance of her dating my man’s friends because if something goes wrong I’d hate for our friendship to be jeopardized. However, I do help my friends when it comes to relationships by offering advice, double dating with her (if I’m single), and encouraging her to relax a little and wait for love to come her way. When being friend’s with a Serial Dater, it’s important to not be harsh, as she may be sensitive about the subject and may take your harsh criticism as a means to block her honesty from you. As a friend, I usually (and secretly) try to figure out the underlying reason for her serial dating ways. With this information, I try to get her to open up and confront these emotions and feelings, and I also share things with her – whether that be articles, YouTube videos, etc – of girls discussing similar situations, experiences, and feelings when it comes to their hangups and continuous failed dating experiences. All of this is usually done without her truly realizing it. “Hey girl, look at this YouTube video of this girl! She was right on point when she said that she needs to focus on herself more this year! I totally feel her on that!”. It’s always nice to have your friends confront the issues they may have not realized they had. And lastly, I am a true believer that when we have friends that inspire us, we aspire to do and be better. I’m no Saint, but I do try to inspire my friends either by doing or by showing what I want to do and believe that I can do. Doing this has been helpful and has inspired my Serial Dating friends to push towards being better as an individual as opposed to counterpart. So if you’re friends with a Serial Dater be sure not to mix friendship with failure, to not be judgmental, to offer advice in a non-offensive way, and to lead by example so that your friend can become more of what she needs to be in order to have a successful relationship.

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Let’s Talk | Jealousy Amongst Women

Posted: January 28th, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | 1,742 Comments »

Let me start off by first saying, that I don’t call anyone out when I think that they are doing wrong. Well- unless they’re one of my best friends or a child. The only thing I don’t like is negative energy, so when I feel like it’s coming my way, I ask parties involved to please keep me out of it. That comes in the form of gossip, etc. Now, I’m fully aware that I am imperfect and that I cannot judge others because they sin differently than me. I sin every day and probably every hour so I am far from a Saint and never feel as if I am in a position to judge others. So over the weekend, I had a conversation with a girl I met a few months ago at work. In the conversation I mentioned how I don’t like when people try to bring someone else down in an effort to bring themselves up, so I asked that I not be involved in such gossip. When I go to work, I go.. to work. And for the past three years, I haven’t been caught up in any talk (at least around me) because, well, I’m not into it and I’m too busy making sure my work is completed perfectly. Well recently, this individual would always compliment me and others in such a way that was more insulting than complimenting. Example: “Hey girl, I loved your outfit last week. Did you know that your thong was hanging out the whole time?”. It’s one of those, “okkkaayyy”, moments that just seems kind of — illy placed. I’ve always been raised to be mindful of what I say to people, so naturally, I don’t feel comfortable about making others feel embarrassed or ashamed. I don’t like when it’s taking place around me and it’s just something that I don’t do. So after telling her how I felt about negative energy, she texted me the message to the right. So I’m writing this post because I really want to address this jealousy thing in the female world. I’m not mad at her for feeling as if she needs to bring someone else down in order to feel better about herself because I have done it before whether consciously or subconsciously at one point or another. But I do want us women to realize that no one is perfect. Not Rihanna, not Beyonce, not Oprah, not Michelle Obama. ☺. And when it comes to me, I am far from perfect. I don’t know what about my blog or social networks screams “PERFECTION!”, but always know that I’m not posting everything that I feel or think here. She stated that her jealousy stemmed from all that I have going on, but my question is, “what is it that I have going on?“. You see, as women, we always seem to compare our worst to everyone else’s best. Okay, so I have a blog. That doesn’t mean dittly-squat. She, for example, has lost a ton of weight recently. We both have accomplishments that we can put side by side and cheer for. None is greater than the other! I think we often get consumed with what we (think we) see on the internet and/or what we assume from what we see on the outside that we forget that everyone is going through things. All of our minds are constantly working and once our minds are done solving one problem, it finds another one to solve. This is true for everyone. Just like you feel like you always have a problem, everyone else feels the same, whether that problem be big or small. Happiness and greatness doesn’t come in the form of things, outward appearance, and/or relationships but it instead comes from what lies within the soul and heart. It’s okay to feel like you’re in darkness, but always know that that is the place that you’re light shines the brightest. If you are going through something, know that you have the ability to shine in that situation. Whenever I realize that I am becoming jealous of someone, I have to delete my social networks from my phone and start indulging myself in books and YouTube videos (lol) to learn about how I can better myself. Showing hatred or anger towards another person is losing who you are. It’s sacrifice. Suicide of the soul. Indulge yourself in yourself. See yourself as imperfectly perfect. Know that we all have problems and flaws. Know that the non judgment of others allows for the non judgment of self. Because as I wrote in my journal about a year ago, “I only discovered my beauty by first healing wounds”. You have an undeniable power and an unidentified beauty, it’s just up to you to embrace it and allow it to shine *sings Rihanna* bright like a dia-monnnnddd. ;]

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How to End a Sugar Baby Relationship

Posted: December 5th, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Goal Digger | 1,580 Comments »

Alicia’s Tips to leave your Sugar Daddy

1. Tell yourself you’re no longer for sale

You’ve worn a price tag for the last ten years. Your time, affection and body must be earned not purchased.

2. Be honest about your financial status

Stop factoring his money into the equation. The problem with sugar daddies is that they take care of so much. Sometimes it’s hard to see a life without their money. Only look at what you can provide. If you can’t afford new clothes, that’s exactly what it means – you can’t afford new clothes.

3. Make goals for yourself and your future

Gold diggers are caught up in the moment. You need to go from a gold digger to a GOAL digger.

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Goal Digger Toolkit | Life Reset Before the New Year

Posted: December 4th, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Goal Digger | 1,798 Comments »

With the year coming to an end many of us Goal Diggers are trying to figure out exactly what we have planned for the upcoming year. However, with starting a new journey on the 1st we run the risk of falling off balance while trying to find our balance. So as part of our Goal Digging Toolkit here are 12 projects that you can complete before the New Year so that you can rediscover yourself in a fun and interesting way. Go into the New Year with your strongest glide so that you can reap the benefits of your purpose much sooner than later. All you’ll need is a journal, a pen, and a dedication to rediscover yourself. Each project has been formulated based on previous experiments done over many years that have been proven to help better many people. Although there are 12 projects, it’s truly up to you to figure out when you want to complete each, but it is important to finish them all before the year ends (and even better to finish before the holidays). Print out or bookmark this guide and always keep in tow. A Goal Digger never leaves home without it.
[1] Create a road map. Your goals for the next year or so should be listed. It’s always important to set both big and small goals, both short and long-term. From oil changes, to license renewals. No goal should go unlisted.

[2] Get rid of the valueless. You should now be disconnected from at least one social network. This will be a month-long task that will be necessary so that you can spend less time indulging in the lives of others and more time indulging in your own. You should also set guidelines for yourself. How many times can you go to your ex’s or frenemy’s facebook/twitter/instagram page? Once a week, once a month, never? Lastly, three pages should have been dedicated to listing people and things that you want to let go of.

[3] Create your perfect him. Now the fun begins. The next few pages (I originally said three, but three is simply the minimum as it’s best for you to be thorough but not for you to feel confined) of your journal will be dedicated to creating your perfect him, but as opposed to focusing on the physical attributes you desire in a man, it’s important that you start off this section by answering the following questions: “What would I want ‘him’ to love about me?”, “What would I want ‘him’ to love about life?”, “What would I want ‘him’ to love more than me?”, and then you can move on to the attributes that you’re looking for in a man. Yes, you can now discuss the physical but it is important that you really consider the importance of it. Once you’re done with all of this, number each thing by most important (1) to least important (100) thing to you when it comes to your perfectly imperfect man — in pencil of course. Then use another blank sheet to set your personal standards. Make a list of personal vows and standards to yourself, and then say I do. You can’t expect to say I do to him, without saying I do, to you first. Perhaps you’ll vow not to have sex on the first date. Perhaps you’ll vow to be a friend before trying to be a girlfriend. Perhaps you’ll vow not to beg a man for love. Perhaps you’ll vow not to look for love, but to let love find you. Write your personal vow to self, and then seal it with a kiss. Yes, put on your favorite lipstick and kiss the page. Fact of the day: The kiss dates back to the earliest days of civilization in Ancient Rome and in the Middle East. A kiss was used as the formal seal to agreements, contracts, etc. Hence, the obvious use of the custom at the end of the wedding ceremony- to “seal” the marriage vows.

[4] Become your own Obsession: Self Interview Questions. Here are one, two, three, four, five websites that are full of fun and mind boggling questions for you to ask yourself. For the final week of the FOCUS segment you are to use up 10 pages, yes 10 whole pages (or 5 front and back), to write down and jot down things about yourself! Things that you love, want, dream of, and even hate. What are your favorite colors? What do you love the most about yourself? What are your favorite foods? What’s something spontaneous that you’d love to do? What’s your dream date? What are your petpeevees? What was your most embarrassing moment? The questions will truly make you think and you’ll really question how well you know yourself. Print off your questions and do them during a commercial break of your favorite show. Have fun, get to writing, and get to knowing! Now that you have laid everything else out in the first few weeks of the Reset, you are now ready for the Q&A segment! Consider this a personal interview and the start of your journey to self understanding and love.

Married? click here.

[5 & 6] Tackle your Goal Sheet & Spring Clean along the way! That’s right! Start tackling the things on your goal sheet and make the necessary adjustments to your list that was made about a month ago! And if you find yourself idle and not doing much, begin Spring Cleaning. Sometimes when there is so much going on around us (in our rooms, for example), we lose focus because we’re trying to get it all sorted. Sort your surrounding environment so there is room left for you to sort through your mind! Trash old papers, give away old clothes, and dust neglected corners. Spring Clean & tackle your goals! An empty mind is the devil’s playground so always have something worthwhile to do!

[7] Create matra & daily affirmation list. “I clearly see all there is to be grateful for in life. Through gratitude my world expands”. “Each day I take a small step toward achieving my goals”. “I am willing to try new things courageously”. These are some positive daily affirmations that serve as constant reminders throughout the day. But when it comes to your life and all that you are and want to be, what are some things that keep you grounded and pushing forward? This week’s project is to create a list of personal mantras and affirmations that you will say throughout the day. Here are a list of daily affirmations that’ll help you based on the situations that you are in and want to be in. And here is a website that will help you understand and come up with your own personal mantras. Use as many pages necessary to make your list, but be sure to leave at least two pages blank in the event that you need to add some more. Tip: Have an index card folded in your wallet or in your car and pull it out throughout the day and recite the positive sayings. This will remind you to stay positive and will help you look forward. The key to doing this successfully is to say each affirmation with your eyes closed, repeatedly, and to process the thought of what you’re saying. Seeing is believing. “Positive affirmations will attract positive events into your life. In a study, it is said that the brain rewires itself after every major experience a person goes through. With this being said, constant repetition of something will create and strengthen new connections in the brain. If you begin to develop a belief in something that you say or repeatedly think, the brain will rewire itself and bring your thoughts into a physical form. Remember that the body is controlled by the brain, whatever the brain thinks the body will manifest. The brain controls the body through hormones, if the brain thinks that the body is in trouble, the brain will then release adrenaline. This happens since the brain wants the whole body to enter the fight or flight response state. If the brain senses happiness it will release Endorphins; through this hormone, the whole body reacts appropriately to happy thoughts or events. Affirmations can make drastic changes in your life, if the brain finally believes the thought or word you say or think; the brain will release the right hormone to make what you think or say physically felt by the body. The universe will give you what you think of or say; and this is the primary premise of positive affirmations” – Source. Don’t wait for a fortune cookie to tell you what you want to hear, create your own positive statements to confidently live by.

[8] Holiday plan! Start making a list of the people that you plan on giving gifts to. Below each, jot down a few gift ideas along with a budget for each person. Be diligent and thoughtful, listen to the small things that your loved ones say that they need and want and tailor your gift choices to best fit those desires. A thoughtful gift doesn’t have to be an expensive one. Perhaps your mother loves watching HGTV and other interior design networks, you could get her some weekend design lessons that may be taking place downtown. Or perhaps your dad always talks about wanting to go fishing, you can buy him a rod. Other great gift ideas include: gym memberships, magazine subscriptions, dance classes, and/or day cruise tickets. Along with gift planning start figuring out where and how you’re going to spend your holidays. My family feeds the homeless on Thanksgiving morning, a tradition we’ve done for the past three years. You can even make surprise visits to family members homes that you haven’t seen since you were a child. Make this holiday season mean more than just tangible gifts. Make sharing the gift of love your number one priority.

[9] Goal Focus. It’s important that throughout this process we don’t lose sight of the goals that we are working hard towards. Week Nine will be dedicated strictly to accomplishing at least two of the goals on our goal sheet.

[10] Release. Remember that list from week two? It’s now time to give it one more read, rip it out, and to let it go (in the ocean if you’re dramatic). This is your day to let go of all of the hostility, anger, and frustration you may have been holding in and for you to let your inner self know that you no longer want it to suffer. But don’t only forgive those who have hurt you, ask for forgiveness for yourself and forgive yourself. After letting go, use a fresh page to list a few tips that’ll help you when negative thoughts try to reconsume you. Although it is important to let go, it is more important not to relapse. The catch? You can only use one page, the front of one page. You no longer will contribute an abundance of anything to present/past people or feelings.

[11] Send yourself flowers for a random date next year & attach a note. That’s right! Save up some money and send yourself flowers for a random date next year. Attached have a note that means something to you — whether that be one of the mantras or affirmations you found most helpful during your life reset or whether that be something encouraging to tell yourself in the event that you are sad or doubtful, make a statement that matters, to you. You now know yourself enough to know what that is. But don’t schedule that delivery for early 2013, schedule it for this time next year and be sure to set an alarm in your phones calendar for the day after you plan on giving yourself those flowers. That way, if the company fails to deliver them — you’ll be reminded to call them.

[12] Celebrate. Remember that list of things you love? Now it’s time to indulge. Treat yourself to a few things on that list and celebrate your new life! Perhaps you’ll go bungie jumping like you’ve always wanted to or perhaps you’ll throw a cooking party at your condo like you’ve always planned! No it’s not your birthday, but it is a time celebrate YOU. No one can appreciate you like you can, so show yourself a little love. Also, take a vacation and live vicariously through the life of another through purchasing and reading a novel. Buy a book about a girl like you or a person who interests you and spend the remainder of the year reading during your downtime. Indulge in fictional characters and yourself instead of obsessing over the life of your peers. Books can take you places you may never go and characters can open your eyes to a life you never had. Reading books can be a humbling experience that will show you that people aren’t always what they seem to be on the outside and that everyone life has it’s share of problems. A lesson necessary for changing your mindset when you get back to the outside world and back to seeing others you once envied from time to time.
We once didn’t have control over the narration of our lives,
But now that we’re the authors, each step is a word on the page of our eternal legacies.
Will yours be worth reading?

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Why We Love Lilly Ghalichi: The Ultimate Goal Digger

Posted: December 3rd, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Goal Digger | 1,231 Comments »

The season premier of Shah’s of Sunset was last night on BRAVO. And we can always count on Bravo to expose us to many different types of women, from goal diggers to gold diggers. The most anticipated addition to the Shah’s of Sunset season is the beautiful Lilly Ghalichi, consequently deemed the “Parisian Barbie” by the end of the first episode. We, however, aren’t strangers to Lilly Ghalichi (although she may not know that) because we pretty much have read everything on her personal blog that she started far before even knowing that she’d be a cast member on the Elite Parisian filled show. We also follow her on instagram, where she shares my beauty secrets and provides us much eye’spiration. But contrary to popular belief, Lilly is by far one of the most greatest goal diggers of this month. What makes us feel this way? Her post entitled, “Education is power”, where she shares her honest journey through college and how education was not an option to her or her family. In fact, Lilly hadn’t even really dated until almost being done with college. Below is her blog post about education and her blog post about her first (and only) real relationship.

“In my family, college wasn’t an option, it was required. Graduate school on the other hand was an option that I chose to exercise. Even though I am not currently using my graduate degree (I have a law degree, and I am a licensed attorney in the state of California), I do not regret my decision to obtain it one bit.

For college, I attended The University of Texas at Austin. More particularly, the Red McCombs school of Business. I grew up in Houston (in quite a strict household, no boys or dating allowed!!), so Austin was a very fun change for me. Although college was liberating and a time for me to experience new things, I still took it very seriously and made sure to always have excellent grades.

It’s difficult to balance work and play while in college because there are so many fun things to do. Between parties, hanging out with friends, dating, and discovering yourself, it’s hard to find time for class lol. Many of you asked how I stayed motivated through it all, well this is how.

Before a big exam was approaching, I would mentally prepare. I would sit down and look at myself in the mirror, or look at all my books. I would tell myself that school is my career right now, I am paying for it rather than getting paid for it, therefore I need to kick ass, study hard, and take it seriously.

To study, I always went to the library or locked myself in my room. The library worked best for me because there are zero distractions. You can’t get up to go to the fridge every five minutes, you can’t watch tv or listen to the radio, you can’t answer your phone, all you can do is shut the fuck up and study.

Once I started studying, I pretty much wanted to do anything but study lol. Even cleaning the toilets suddenly didn’t sound so bad. When I hit these rock bottom moments of exhaustion or frustration, I would tell myself “Lilly, how pathetic are you in that you: can stay up until 5am with your girl-friends gossiping…party until the sun comes up in the South of France…stay on the phone with your boyfriend until 3am…etc etc” BUT you can’t sit here and allot the same kind of time and late hours to study? You could do it then, but you can’t do it now to educate and better yourself?

After I put it in perspective, I would be embarrassed with myself knowing I stayed up late and devoted so much time to meaningless things, yet I am now internally complaining and wanting to quit studying. This would kick me back into study mode and I would get the job done.

While in my 3rd year of college, I decided I wanted to further my formal education (aka I was not ready to enter the real World and get a job! lol), so I began to consider graduate school. Medical, dental, and law school. I decided to attend the latter as law always interested me and blood and guts did not.

For law school, I knew I wanted to come to Los Angeles as it had always been a dream of mine to live in southern California. I attended Loyola Law School where I graduated top of my class, Cum Laude/Order of the Coif.

Law school was NOT easy. In college, it’s easy to balance social life and school life. In fact, I would say social life is 75% of your time, and class/study is a meager 25% of your time (for me anyway, school comes easy for me). Law school on the other hand has a ratio more like 99% class/studying, 1% social life.

Law school is no joke guys. I would wake up, go to class, come home, study, do work for the next day of class, sleep, repeat. I lost contact with 99% of my friends and family, and I truly had no life. The weekends were usually spent running all my errands, studying, and perhaps I would squeeze in a night out or two.

On multiple occasions, I spent the night in the library. Sleeping on the floor by my desk, or just sleeping on my desk. I cried all the time. I was super stressed out. I hated my life. I second guessed why I was there every other day. But, I stuck with it, and I devoted myself to it. In the grand scheme of things, 3 years of your life (which is how long law school is) is nothing. Before you know it, you’re done, and you’ve accomplished something really incredible. You’ve accomplished what most people in the World never will, and that is empowering.

I may have lost a few years in the looks department (due to gaining wrinkles from stress!), but the self esteem, knowledge and confidence inside of me I gained was worth it all.

If you take the time to get your degree, you will have a sense of accomplishment that no one can ever take away from you. Even though you may not “learn” anything in college, you are using your brain in a powerful and meaningful way every-single-day that you’re there. Reading. Writing. Thinking. Solving problems. These things do make you smarter. Your brain is like any other mechanism in your body, the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

People complain that they are poor spellers, well spelling is actually a learned trait from reading. Reading is 90% of what you do in school. People complain that they are horrible writers. Sentence structure and writing technique is a learned trait from practice. Writing papers and essays are a large part of what you do in school.

My point is, although you may feel like the art history class you are required to take is pointless and you’re not learning anything, you actually are. You’re learning to improve basic skill sets that will benefit you for the rest of your life.

To sum all this up, if you have the opportunity to go to college or graduate school- take it. Don’t worry, you will still be “young” when you’re done, you’ll still be “hot” when you’re done, and you can still have plenty of “fun” when you’re done.

With that said, if you don’t have the opportunity to attend school, that doesn’t make you dumber than the rest of us, or any less valuable, it only means you have to work a little harder on your own to maintain your skills set and succeed- which is completely do-able. In fact, some of the most successful people in the World are college drop outs. It just goes to show you if you work hard, you can accomplish anything.

For me, education is never a waste of anyone’s time and it is something I am proud to of accomplished in my life. How hot is it to be not only one of the most fashionable people in the room, but also the most educated. It’s powerful. I have a doctorate degree, bitch! Go ahead, call me Dr. Ghalichi.

If you’re in any kind of school, don’t give up. It will be over before you know it :)

xoxo,
Lilly Ghalichi”

“A lot of you have been asking about whether or not I have a boyfriend, and to tell my story re my engagement.

Well, here goes….

I grew up in a very strict Persian house-hold. “boys” or “dating” were foreign terms to me and were simply out of the question. Even in high-school, I was barely allowed to acknowledge that I had male classmates! It’s safe to say I didn’t date much (if at all) in high-school while I was living under my parent’s roof. I was SO skinny and awkward looking anyway, so I’m not so sure anyone even wanted to date me lol.

Then, I went to college! I moved to Austin from Houston to attend The University of Texas for undergrad, and I began to fill out and discover boys a bit. At the end of my first year, right after I turned 19, I met one boy in particular, he was also Persian. No, he was not a classmate, he was an attorney. Ooops lol.

I was the epitome of a good girl. I was an A+ student, a virgin, loved puppies, and I had never been drunk or done a hard drug in my life. He on the other hand was the epitome of a bad boy. Fast cars, loud jokes, owned night clubs as a hobby, womanizer, everything I didn’t look for in a man.

He was instantly obsessed with me (obviously…) and we became friends. I was honestly so scared of him. Well, fast forward 2 years and after all the time, effort and inappropriateness he spent on me, we finally had our first kiss (talk about playing hard to get! lol). It was incredible. I will never forget that moment, I knew that I was in love with him.

After that kiss, we began dating. We dated on and off for years and years (more off than on due to his not so boyfriend like behavior), all throughout the rest of college and law school. I had promised my mom from a little girl that I would not get engaged/married until after I had finished all my education, so a month or so after I graduated law school, he proposed and we moved in together.

Well, that didn’t last long lol. Old habits die hard, and many of his didn’t die at all! Deep down he is truly a good man that loves me more than the World, but he had a lot of bad habits. So, we broke up, and for the first time in my life, I moved on for good. He had been my first everything, the only “boyfriend” I had really ever had. I had “dated” other guys during our off time, but never anything serious, and my heart had always been with him. Now, I was ready to move on. It was kind of scary, but super exciting at the same time!

Of course, just as with all men, it was only a little over a year after I left for good that he realized how much he loved me, how wrongly he had done me, and that he couldn’t live without me. He vowed to make all sorts of changes and stop all sorts of bad habits if I would give him another chance.

I was so skeptical, but it’s now been almost two years of knowing the new him, and I must say I am so impressed. He is all the things he should of been to me all those years- better late than never? or too little too late? I’m still trying to decide lol.

Today, we are best friends, and often act like boyfriend-girlfriend even though we technically aren’t (I’m so scared he’ll revert back to that guy if I take him back). HE even cooks for ME! Attempts to anyway…

He is an amazing man. A self made, super successful attorney that owns his own practice. Truly one of the smartest, kindest people I’ve ever met.

Will we end up together? I don’t know. Only time will tell what I can and can’t forgive and forget…

The good news is, they say at engagement the rule is the girl deserves 1 carat for every year you’ve been together, 10 carats sounds very fair to me.”

And on the first episode, she was house shopping for her beau’s big move to L.A. She says that if he wants to get serious, he has to move to where she’s at! Wow, being a goal digger truly always keeps them around. Check out her blog here.

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Radio Show with Bruce Sallan: #Politics, #Friends, and Men and Women

Posted: October 18th, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Goal Digger | 1,748 Comments »

My radio show with Bruce Sallan last Thursday, October 18, 2012.

This show is loosely based on this week’s “A Dad’s Point-of-View” column, Men vs. Women: Differences Between Our Money Management Skills.

Click the links below to listen.

Part 1 – Introduction and Opening Remarks by Bruce

Part 2 – “The Women’s Room” with Alicia Dunams

Part 3 – “The Women’s Room” with Alicia Dunams

Part 4 – Bruce talks about the election, Benghazi, politics, friends, and the differences between men and women.

Part 5 – Closing remarks by Bruce

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OCTOBER GOAL DIGGER OF THE MONTH: KEKE PALMER

Posted: October 18th, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Goal Digger | 1,438 Comments »

Keke Palmer, she’s strong, articulate, funny, and talented- so it’s no wonder why America fell in love with her after her first big role in Barbershop that eventually gave way to her starring role in Akeelah & The Bee. Soon after these big debuts, Keke was being seen everywhere and she quickly landed her own Disney Series, True Jackson. With a net worth of $7.5 million, Keke is truly an example of hard work that has paid off. When you’re passionate about something, you do all that you can to be the best at it, and for Keke, this has left audiences and young girls around the world inspired and uplifted. Keke’s webseries On The Reel, truly allowed us to dive into her life. She exudes an effortless amount of humility, thanks to the values that her parents have instilled in her. Regardless of the fame, they still remain economically realistic and true to their family values. Like any teen, Keke wasn’t able to start dating until she was sixteen, and she didn’t begin learning to drive until that time as well. She admits that her parents would often volunteer to drive her to her dates and that they always wanted the young man to come to the door when picking her up. Keke is truly a Goal Digger. She’s a person who desires wealth in all areas of life, seeks the secrets of the millionaire mind, and has the smarts, optimism, integrity, and passion to do it herself. She gives back to the community by doing countless charity work geared towards self-esteem and young girls, and if you haven’t already watched Abducted: The Carlina White Story, on Lifetime, click here to check out its next showing time. Keke Palmer played the main character and got rave reviews from critics and viewers alike.

Also, check out her webseries that she began with her parents! Here she spoke about her personal journalled thoughts, as well as, how her life changed dramatically forever.

And to close, you must check out this interview she did on the Tyra Show where her personality shined oh so bright!

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Happy Friday: Reintroducing “Goal Digger” movement

Posted: October 5th, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Goal Digger | 1,737 Comments »

Ever since Alicia Dunams launched her book Goal Digger in 2007, a Goal Digger movement has begun! This Happy Friday we’ll be introducing some links to the “Goal Digger” movement and products all over the web!
● The college girls over at Femmes With Benefits released a necklace line that was dedicated to “the hunnies chasing dreams not money”. Although they have already sold out of all of the chains, you can still check out their feature on Fashion Bomb Daily.
● Goal Digger & Artist, Iris Bonner, created an array of Goal Digger Art in the form of shirts, hats and even bracelets! Check out her work that was featured by the Changemakers and if you like what you see, visit her online store, where her Goal Digger Tees can be purchased here and her Goal Digger bracelets can be purchased here!
● The Urban Dictionary has officially coined Goal Digger as a certified word/phrase! But do you agree with the definition!? They say that a Goal Digger is, “a person who desires wealth in all areas of life, seeks the secrets of the millionaire mind, and has the smarts, optimism, integrity, and passion to do it themselves”. Sounds pretty close to me!
● We stumbled across The Goal Digger Group. A website full of hardworking women who “share their goals, plans, and recommendations of small businesses”. The website was created with the intentions of “creating a network of support” that is fun and interactive.
● Lia Lahren of The Urban Twist wrote an article that will help the fellas know whether or not they’re dealing with a Goal Digger or a Gold Digger. The secret is in the approach.
● Clothing Line, Bossy By Fauna, launched a shirt design that declares “Full Time Goal Digger”. The perfect shirt for a girl on the go!

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Goal Digger vs. Gold Digger

Posted: September 25th, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Goal Digger | 1,800 Comments »

GOAL DIGGERS love the luxuries of life, when they have earned them.
GOLD DIGGERS love the luxuries of life, when they don’t have to work for them.
GOAL DIGGERS try to figure out their next move, towards accomplishing their goals.
GOLD DIGGERS try to figure out their next move, towards seducing a man who will get them what they want.
GOAL DIGGERS find ways to market themselves, so that they can become a profitable asset.
GOLD DIGGERS find ways to sell themselves, so that they can become a charity case.
GOAL DIGGERS use every opportunity as a way to network.
GOLD DIGGERS use every opportunity as a way to mooch.
GOAL DIGGERS remain positive and realistically optimistic, because she has full control of her life.
GOLD DIGGERS remain negative and unsure of herself, because she has no control over her life.
GOAL DIGGERS build bank accounts.
GOLD DIGGERS build shoe closets.
GOAL DIGGERS want to be rich.
GOLD DIGGERS want to look rich.
GOAL DIGGERS have a road map to navigate through.
GOLD DIGGERS are hitchhikers.
GOAL DIGGERS get to travel outside of the country.
GOLD DIGGERS consider a trip to Neimans a vacation.
GOAL DIGGERS have a lot to bring to the table.
GOLD DIGGERS expect a full meal already at the table.

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