Jean Chatzky called me a what?!, or How to Stop Promoting Your Book Because Someone Called You a Prostitute on National Radio
Posted: October 6th, 2010 | Author: admin | Filed under: Goal Digger | 29 Comments »Let me cut straight to the chase. In Fall 2007, I embarked on a media tour to promote my book, Goal Digger: Lessons Learned from the Rich Men I Dated. I was optimistic, wide-eyed, and as naive as you can be, but totally excited because I had a well-conceived self-help book (at least, I’d like to think so!), with a optimistic message teaching women the 13 concepts I learned from wealthy men on how to achieve business and financial success.
This optimism faded quickly.
The Event
One of my very first media interviews was with Jean Chatzky in NYC. For you who don’t know Jean Chatzky, please let me explain. Jean’s the financial darling on the Today Show, a bestselling author, and the “personal finace” guru we all love, until…
Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman’s Scorn
Jean didn’t seem to like me. I walked into the recording room at her satellite radio show, and all I got was an icy reception. You know those type of receptions, the ones only insecure people seem to master:
-The glance up and down, and then up and down again.
-The quick smile that turns instantly into a frown.
-The “I’m not interested in talking to you” eyes.
And, all I could think, Was she having an off day? Did she burn her tongue on her morning coffee? Was I showing too much cleavage?
Of course, I will never know.
But I did know this to be true: this interview was going to S-U-C-K.
I immediately sat down, all smiles trying to break the ice, as the producer put on my headphones.
We started the interview with a series of questions to set the context of the book. She asked me why I wrote the book, and I said, perfectly rehearsed, when one of the rich men I dated challenged me by saying “You are industrious enough to be your own millionaire.” I also mentioned that these men motivated and inspired me, and were more like mentors than lovers.
Bus Dodging Time
Jean asked me if I was a millionaire and I said no. But to be fair, I added, the men I dated were in their late 40s, 50s, and on average they created their wealth during their 40s and 50s. She concurred.
Then, there it was. The question to end all questions. The big kahuna. The question I wasn’t prepared to answer.
Did any of these men give you money?
Oh, snap!
Ladies of the Night
When I was younger my father had a t-shirt that said, “Love from the Ladies of the Night*” He would wear it with his jean shorts and slippers. It was the early 80s. Ladies of the night were my parent’s euphemism for prostituites. Street Walkers. Hookers.
Jean had another euphemism for it. Working Girl.
Did any of these men give you money? Jean asked.
Bub-te-de-bub, Bub-te-de-bub, Bub-te-de-bub, Bub-te-de-bub Bub-te-de-bub, Bub-te-de-bub was the only thing that came out of my mouth.
I verbally stumpled like a stutterer on crack. (No offence to stutterers or crack heads).
Then I told her the truth, Yes.
“Hmmmm,” she said. “You sound like a working girl to me.”
Double snap!
Hurt Feelings
My world came crumbling to the ground, and I didn’t have time to explain. I mean saying, “I dated a man for 3 months and at that point he said he wanted to take care of me because I was a single mom and he didn’t want me to work so I could travel with him to the South of France and hang out with him and live in his 2 million dollar apartment so I could be safe and he really cared about me oh yeah and we dated for almost 1 year,” didn’t really fly. As you and any media coach can see, none of that comes out in eloquent sound bytes!
When I realized what she said, and finally got out of groveling explanation mode, my raw emotions started flooding in, ranging from:
Pugnacity: This bitch called me a what!? Oh no she didn’t! (Insert double snap)
to
Shame: Oh my, I hope Isabelle doesn’t grow up to think this way about her mother.
to
Pragmatism: I flew out to New York for this shit?!
to
Dejection: I can’t do this any more. It’s over. Done.
Overcompensating for Hurt Feelings
But to answer Jean’s statement (It wasn’t a question, but a statement, so it doesn’t call for an answer, but humor me!), hell-to-the-yes, I’m a working girl. At 16, I started my career as a working girl on the corner of 18th and Capitol in Sacramento, CA – not turning tricks, but making cappuccinos and burnt bagels. Then I continued my salicious ways as a scholarship receipt and full-time intern at Hewlett Packard (HP). Then I did a stint of modeling, acting, and waitressing, and assistant work and other code words for “what pretty girls do to make money while attending UCLA.” Then I backpacked around the world, not on my back(!), but on savings and a round-the-world ticket my parents bought me for a graduation present. Then I traveled around the world again as a travel writer. Then I did a stint as a married women to a construction worker, then as a technical writer for a bio-tech company, which I then parlayed into freelance technical writing business, which I continued until I published my book. Now I have a successful coaching business, which pretty much keeps me out of trouble. Oh yeah, I’m a mom too.
So, enough of my rant, but my self esteem sure feels better!
Are VCs (Venture Capitalists) just glorified Sugar Daddies?
Last year, I started thinking more about my “fall from grace” when founder and former CEO of a huge adult dating website, which was later acquired by an adult media company for a zillion dollars, called me out of the blue and asked me about my book. I opened up to him (my heart, not my legs, mind you) about my experience with Ms. Jean, how she grilled me big time for having a Sugar Daddy, and that I essentially stopped all promotion of my book. He then said to me, in a comforting tone, I had a Sugar Daddy too. They’re called VCs. I laughed, but he was dead pan serious. He said he “prostituted” himself for venture capital to build his business for a profitable exit for all parties involved. I was silenced.
Every Cloud Has a Pair of Silver Stilettos
I’m a girl who truly believes every experience in life has merit, so I am going to look at Ms. Jean and her comment as a lesson in disguise. So this is what I learned. What about you?
1)Matthew 7:1-3 1Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
2) Empowered women must empower. When you are a person (especially a woman) with strength, power, and influence, isn’t your job to lift people up, not tear people down. This was a huge lesson for me. (Someone forward this blog to Jean Chatzky!)
3) Own it. I squirmed like a jelly fish when Jean Chatzky called me a “working girl.” As Martin Luther King, Jr. stated, A man can’t ride your back unless it’s bent. Straighten that back and own it, don’t let people have power over you.
4) Don’t care about what other people think. This is the most freeing of the four. The day you stop worrying about what people think, is the day you start living…
Of course, it took me a few years to understand this. But, I’m still a work in progress.
(If you are interested in the pictures, the first one is for the MILPH 2008 calendar [And you know what, it would be the perfect picture if it weren't for the bad highlight job] Nonetheless, it definitely says “Working Girl” to me. The other two are me being silly with stock photography.)
* Correction (from my brother) Dad’s shirt said “Love from the Ladies of the Night” and yes “ladies of the night” is a funny euphemism for prostitutes … in this case our father worked the graveyard shift at the post office with a cadre of female employees. Dad was a great supervisor and I believe the ladies made that shirt for him as a sort of tongue and cheek gesture about how good and nice he was to work for.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Alicia Dunams and Alicia Dunams, Alicia Dunams. Alicia Dunams said: Full circle. As Martin Luther King, Jr. stated, A man can’t ride your back unless it’s bent. http://fb.me/KIeDaw8D [...]
Alicia,
Good for you to get this crap off your heart and for continuing with your successes. If you were to feel bad about your lessons learned, you wouldn’t have gone on a national a book tour – that is fo’ sho’.
I think sometimes others can be intimidated or made to feel insecurity of the courage of others. I get the “up-down-who the-hell-does-this-Bitch-think-she-is” look from some people when I share some of my incredible and well earned life experiences. Oh well. Not My Problem.
Keep marching on and doing great work.
Nice Alicia.
thank you. And great way to use the experience. We’ve all been there in some way sister!
I think it’s real honest and forthcoming of you to put that out there. I could see where that would shake you to your core at that moment. That’s the double edged sword of having a book with that title. It’s catchy but also leaves you open for possible backlash. You took her best negative shot. It sounds like this woman is totally full of herself and gets her rocks off (and ratings) from trying to bring people down a notch. You’ve always been the one in the room who speaks her mind. I hope you get the chance to face her again so you can let her have it.
Hello there biological sister. Interesting article, one slight editorial change I would make. Dad’s shirt said “Love from the Ladies of the Night” and yes “ladies of the night” is a funny euphemism for prostitutes … in this case our father worked the graveyard shift at the post office with a cadre of female employees. Dad was a great supervisor and I believe the ladies made that shirt for him as a sort of tongue and cheek gesture about how good and nice he was to work for.
You may have been called a working girl but I could also be a working guy for the time I have toiled with Fortune 500 consulting firms. I just took the safe route and you have taken the more volatile but potentially more rewarding route. Keep on reaping the seeds of your efforts. Love you.
Yes, AD. Thanks for mentioning the need for that slight editorial change.I didn’t know the back story of the shirt – I just that it was a crazy t-shirt our dad wore. – AD
I’m inspired! Let this be a lesson to all. Know your soft spots and work on having them toughened up before you do media. You never know when someone will come out of left field with a question that knocks the breath out of you! I’m so glad you finally owned your reality and let go of the opinion offered by others. You go girl!!!
Yes! I love this story.
My fave part is your clipped out head with that wig on and those boobs… lol! Love this playfulness that is starting to ooze out of your message. Yes! Good stuff. Can’t wait to see what you do next!
Alicia, you are so powerful. You really are.
= a force to be reckoned with! And every woman, man and child can sense this fire in you.
Nerves of steal, million mile legs and a smile that glistens
Great lessons here. Thank you for sharing your journey. You grab life by the horns and ride ‘em cowgirl all the way to the bank. Yee haw!
Vega$… get ready.
xo.
I can envision myself in the hot seat, being asked a bogas question I was totally unprepared for, and I would have handled it the same way.
Life throws curves – so do interviewers. Think of it this way – you wrote something that stirred a reaction. Whether positive or negative, you created an emotion in the reader. That’s when you know that you’re onto something.
And keep on promoting your book(s) and writing about it in true Alicia style. It inspires other ‘working girls’ like me!
Alicia I love you heart and soul, and so happy you wrote this after we spoke at that event in Oakland. On some level we are ALL gold diggers, we just have different sources for the money in exchange for the services! I love you woman, and the pic, awesome!
Ann Evanston
Discover Your REAL Edge
Alicia, proud of you for lifting that weight off your shoulders after we discussed this on the way from the airport to my apartment!
Now . . . get cracking and sell a jumbo jet load of books and NEVER let any bitch or any man give you a hard time.
ToeCracker
PS. You know I will give you a good toecracking if you don’t!
Alicia, this is awesome! What a powerful, well written testimony. I think EVERY woman needs to read this and pay close attention to #’s 1-4. As women, striving to achieve our own personal and financial success, we should always support one another, not tear each other down. We should all, also, learn the ability to stand tall and be proud of every choice and action we’ve made in life, never letting anyone try and knock us down.
Also, always have an answer ready, even if it’s one people don’t want to hear. Own it.
Absolutely GREAT post! Must pass on.
Alicia, I had no idea!!!! This was a great blog and, I hope for you anyway, a great release and a super way to return to promoting this AWESOME book! Good on you and thanks for sharing; inspiring to say the least!!!
~Rusty
What gets me is WHY do women – with power/audiences/presence and the opportunity to really do something amazing in this shifting world – use their voice, their power, to get down on other women?
I just don’t get it! Call me naive and other things, but WHY?
Yes, fear, ego, and way too small shoes. But in this illuminated, conscious-growing world of ours, WE as WOMEN all KNOW that when we take one women down, judge her and dump her by the dumpster, WE ALL GO DOWN THE DRAIN …
POWERFUL WOMEN, please change to more roomy shoes and lift other women up along with you.
Thanks for speaking your truth!
Lone
When women hurt women we all hurt.
I remember the way leading up to this event and the way out. Now you’re on the way up. Up, up and away I say. You’re a super hard-working girl!
Love this post.
I bought a copy of your book years ago and was inspired by your writing. Once again, you went where no one will go, and people respect you for it.
Bravo.
Alicia-
Powerful post. I bet it has been eating at you for the past 3 years. It certainly took a certain strength to come to terms with that experience and thanks for sharing as, not only it helped you, but certainly will help those of us who read your post.
It reminds me of the Abe Lincoln quote: “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” However, in your case, I think we can easily substitute ‘women’ for men in this instance. Certainly fits in jean Chatzky’s case. Glad you moved on.
Candace Davenport
http://www.ourlittlebooks.com ~ Little Books with a Big Message
Seems to me that she never even read your book! What a dim-wit to put it nicely! It’s one of the best books EVER!
OMG! The comments I’m receiving on this blog post are so giving me goosebumps!
Thank you everyone for the love and support…
@Sharon “…one of the best books EVER!” Wow, I’m speechless!
EACH of our paths are different and EVERY experience is purposeful!
Great blog, Alicia…a working woman, indeed! On your next run of prints, I think it should be your preface…a real lesson of courage and resilience to not be defined by others but refined by the experience.
Thanks for sharing!
“Refined by the experience” – nice one Zara!
right on lady!
good for you love!
xoxo-Donna
I have my own ideas about Ms. Chatzky’s motives, a psychological problem that would take too long to write up here, and it doesn’t speak well of her. I just wish you’d prepared for the snide remarks beforehand, and had proudly owned your status as a working girl–of both kinds–on national radio! Now, go back to publicizing your book (says the worst self-promotional writer on the planet!)
thanks for the post
[...] I have a pretty high UPSET threshold. Someone has to kick me in the stomach, or call me a prostitute to get my feathers ruffled. (Actually, there is one person who can get me in a fetal position [...]
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